Too True...

stop thinking you have it worse
you're just bored with your life,
so you create drama
and you bring down whoever you feel like hurting down with you
I know my problems aren't that bad
But you must think the world revolves around you
but guess what?
nobody cares.

fuck it

"She's got a smile on her face, and a fuck you attitude, because from this day on, she's living life for herself"
"Don't have enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel"
"Maybe i'm not supposed to get over it, I mean look at how many times i've tried. Maybe there's a reason it's not working"
"&& when she finally forgets you, don't you dare remember me"
"Don't die from a broken heart"

"Life is like a canvas. it begins blank, and every day is like another brush stroke.
Make your life a masterpiece."

it may still hurt
but you don't deserve my tears
i'm not letting you get to me anymore
i'm going to live my life
i'm going to be thin and beautiful no matter what it takes
and I don't need you
you're not worth it

Thoughts

keep starving...
keep throwing up...
keep losing weight
focus on it, but don't think about it
don't think about anything
don't let it get to you
don't think about how you're best friend hates you,
and how everybody expects you to be over it
but they have no idea how hard it is
don't think about how you now have nobody,
how you're the only one left who cares,
don't think about how you can't do any of the things you used to be good at
or that after everything i put everyone through, i'm still disgusted by my own reflection
stop it. block it out.
channel it into losing weight
hopefully soon, i'll be good enough to be loved
just don't think...

Ruined

I was feeling the weight falling off me and all I had to do was keep going... keep starving... keep holding on
but now i feel fatter than ever... i feel like i gained everything i fought to lose in the last 4 days
why can't my family just leave me alone?
why do they feel the need to shove food down my throat when i say i'm not hungry?
Despite this setback i plan to keep going the way i have been,
i'l just have to start over

2 days later...

I am now nearing the end of day 4 of my weight loss plan
I wonder why i never did this before?
I guess it's harder to hide then throwing up
but now i have nobody looking out for me anymore,
and i can starve as much as i want
The hunger pains haven't been too bad, as i've been keeping myself up with water, smoothies and peppermints when the dizzy spells kick in (after all, i don't want people to get suspicious if i pass out)
Other than feeling a little light headed at times, i feel great!
I can't see if i've lost weight but i can feel it.
I hope i can keep this up for at least another couple more days :)

as the days go by...

It's been 2 days since I've eaten anything and i feel great
Usually i'm never able to get away with stuff like this,
but this time as the lies build up my body will do the opposite
Hopefully today will make it 3 :D

Heavily Broken

Everyday I sit here waiting
Everyday just seems so long
And now I've had enough of all the hating
Do we even care, it's so unfair
Any day it'll all be over
Everyday there's nothing new
And now I just try to find some hope
To try and hold onto
But it starts again
It'll never end

I'm heavily broken
And I don't know what to do
Can't you see that I'm choking
And I can't even move
When there's nothing left to say
What can you do
I'm heavily broken
And there's nothing I can do

Almost giving up on trying
Almost heading for a fall
And now my mind is screaming out
I've gotta keep on fighting
But then again
It doesn't end

I'm heavily broken
And I don't know what to do
Can't you see that I'm choking
And I can't even move
When there's nothing left to say
What can you do?
I'm heavily broken
And there's nothing I can do
And there's nothing I can do

Feels like I'm drowning
I'm screaming for air
(Screaming for air)
Louder I'm crying
And you don't even care

I'm heavily broken
And I don't know what to do
Can't you see that I'm choking
And I can't even move
(What can I do)
When there's nothing left to say
What can you do
I'm heavily broken

Good Morning Reality

This place sucks the life out of me and i don''t know how much more i can take.
I thought that going away would make things better once i came back, but nothing's changed.
I'm sick of struggling, i'm just barely holding on and everyone thinks i can take it but i'm broken inside
The only thing that's changed is that i've learned not to trust anybody, but i wish i could.
I wish i could talk to the only person who understood
but she's dead and gone, and i've been left alone with nobody
I just have to pretend for another year.

So Much for my Happy Ending...

Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

[Chorus:]
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do [CD version]



You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

[Chorus]

It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

New Year's Resolutions

Lose at least 10kg,
do whatever it takes to lose the weight

Trust nobody.
Trusting people has brought me nothing but pain.