Lies

Stop Lying to me

Tell me the Truth

Who can I Trust?

Nobody.

Hidden

Cover my mouth so i can't scream

Cover my eyes so I can't cry

Cover my arms to hide my pain

Cover my stomach so i don't feel ashamed

Why is my Weight the most Important thing?

Why Can't I stop feeling like i'm...

Scared

Where do i go from here?

What do i do now?

I know i need to change... but i'm scared

Slipping

... i'm starting to feel sad again... i'm not sure why but i really hope it doesn't stay for long... i'm not sure how much longer i can take this, especially if it gets any worse... I just wish this would all go away, because there's nothing i can do about it. I just want to be happy... i just want to have fun... i want to be the girl i used to be and stop caring if i start to gain a few pounds over the summer...when will this end? I just want these feelings to go away...

Hope

Today was the first day of holidays... and i feel good... better than i've felt in a while... i'm not sure what it is; i think it has something to do with starting to eat more (even though i've been throwing up more, i guess i'm more energetic), and not being around all of these girls who bring me down, as well as being so excited for seeing my family and not having to worry about everything every single second of every single day... i'm hopeful, and i'm almost happy... i'm worried what's going to happen when i go back to school, will i feel that bad again? I'm pretty sure i will and i really don't want the feeling to come back, i know it won't really go away until the bulimia goes away and that's not going to happen anytime soon, but for now i'm going to enjoy myself and hope for the best :)

Weak

Today i felt so weak... I don't understand it! it was supposed to be the most exciting day of the year... it was the last day of school! I tried to eat, i tried to sleep but still the whole day i was struggling to keep myself upright.... it seems like no matter what, there i always something bringing me down... except this time im not too sure what.... i guess i am just SO SICK of all this drama and all of these girls thinking they can use me and trample on me and bitch about me and then turn around and play the victim card and make me feel worse about myself... i jut hate it so much...i thought thee 2-faced girls were my friends... i'm not sure who to trust anymore... But it's the holidays and i'm going to spend as little time as possible with the girls who bring me down... The thing is i love them so so much.. i can't let them go... I don't know what to do anymore, but i'm not going to give up... not yet anyway

So Lonely