Monday, January 24, 2011

Good Morning Reality


This place sucks the life out of me and i don''t know how much more i can take.
I thought that going away would make things better once i came back, but nothing's changed.
I'm sick of struggling, i'm just barely holding on and everyone thinks i can take it but i'm broken inside
The only thing that's changed is that i've learned not to trust anybody, but i wish i could.
I wish i could talk to the only person who understood
but she's dead and gone, and i've been left alone with nobody
I just have to pretend for another year.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

So Much for my Happy Ending...

Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

[Chorus:]
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do [CD version]



You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

[Chorus]

It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

Monday, January 17, 2011

New Year's Resolutions

Lose at least 10kg,
do whatever it takes to lose the weight

Trust nobody.
Trusting people has brought me nothing but pain.

Monday, December 27, 2010

It's my Life

I read somewhere that Bulimia is a lifestyle, not a disease...
I have to agree with that, i am so sick of people telling me i have a disease... This is a lifestyle that I chose to have, and i can live with it. I know i complain a lot about how horrible this is, but that's the depression talking, I was fine before i became depressed, and that has to do with my life, not my eating habits...
I wish people could just let me live my life, and stop stalking me to the bathroom or forcing food down my throat, it's just annoying and frustrating... It's my life, stop trying to control it.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Change...

They say change is the only constant in life.. i guess i'd have to agree but... going through old photos i can't help but notice how much things have changed since last year... it scares me :S

In the photos of me last year, i wasn't that much fatter, but i didn't care, i loved who i was even though everybody around me hated how full of myself i was.
In the photos from this year i'm smiling, but there's pain in my eyes and it loos like something has sucked the life out of me... and something has, it was me.
Even though i completelly understand what's going on now... i still dont understand what happened... what changed? Why do i hate myself so much now? what was it that pushed me off the edge? Can i change back? I don't know...

Monday, December 20, 2010

You Know What?

FUCK YOU!

I tried my hardest... i did all i could do in the state that i was in
nothing hurts more than what you did to me...
But you expected me to be perfect
well fuck you.
bitch.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

She

She was there for me when nobody else could be bothered
She knew me better than i knew myself
She was that one person i could always talk to, sometimes when i didn't even want to
She cared about me more that i cared about myself
She was the only person who ever asked if i was okay
She helped me through my hardest times
She wiped away my tears, and made me laugh when i felt like crying
She would do anything to make me smile, even for a moment
She would go anywhere with me
She was there when i needed her
She was my best friend
She abandoned me
Now...
She couldn't care less about me
She never asks me how i am because she doesn't want to know
She treats me like dirt
She does her best to make sure i know it's all my fault
She turns my closest friends against me
She spreads lies about me, as well as the truth i had no intentions of sharing
She hurts the people i care about
She'll do anything without considering for a moment how much it would hurt me
She does all of this, and then pretends she has done nothing
But I still can't let go of our friendship
She was the best friend i ever had

She's a selfish bitch... But I don't know what I would've done without her...

I Try to Laugh but Cry Instead...

Friday, December 17, 2010

Empty

I can't do anything without hurting somebody.... including myself
Why does the pain feel so right when i  know it's wrong?

...because i deserve it
It kills me that i need to feel empty in order to feel whole...
I feel empty...
I feel alone...

Lies

Stop Lying to me
Tell me the Truth
Who can I Trust?
Nobody.