In My Head

I cried out for help
screamed for someone to notice
that something is wrong
Nobody listens....



I'm tired
every day is a struggle
a war against myself
the battle in my mind is exhausting
nobody knows how hard i fight every day
I just want to be okay
voices in my head make me want to scream

I fall to the ground
too tired to fight any more...
I can only pray
That one day, they'll go away
and then I'll be okay

Shaking with hunger
And it feels so good...

frustration

I need to lose weight. I need to lose weight. I need to lose weight. I need to lose weight. I need to lose weight. I need to lose weight. I need to lose weight. I need to lose weight. I need to lose weight. I need to lose weight. I need to lose weight. I need to lose weight. I need to lose weight. I need to lose weight. I need to lose weight. I need to lose weight. I need to lose weight. I need to lose weight. I need to lose weight. I need to lose weight. I need to lose weight. I need to lose weight. I need to lose weight. I need to lose weight. I need to lose weight. I need to lose weight. I need to lose weight. I need to lose weight. I need to lose weight. I need to lose weight. I need to lose weight. I need to lose weight. I need to lose weight. I need to lose weight. I need to lose weight.

it's what I want more than anything...
but I keep getting sick, and having to stop...

when will this end?

regrets

I thought this would make me happy

I thought this was what I wanted

So then why do I feel this bad?

I guess... because I know that nobody loves me as much as he did

And now its all over

So am I worth any thing to any one?


what did I do...?

Someone Like You

Nevermind, i'll find some one like you

i wish nothing but the best for you, too

don't forget me, I beg, i'll remember you said

Sometimes it lasts in love

Sometimes it hurts instead

choice

Godd I want to throw up...
I want to feel that rush of every thing going away just like that,
All the pain, stress, anxiety... Just gone with my food
But I'm scared, those drops of blood coming from my throat, what if they mean something?
Well, it was just the one time that it happened
So I'm fine.. Right?
Fuck.
What do I do?

Ooh I forgot how good throwing up feels...
Wow
I know this is bad for me, but I can't help it
It just felt so good

Restart

Have you ever done something, knowing it was bad, and when it's over you promise yourself you'll never do it again, but after a while... You miss it, and you wonder why you didn't do it?
I miss starving myself... I miss throwing up... I miss everything.
I miss that satisfaction I got from feeling hungry.
Every body thinks I'm better now, so there's no suspicion if I start again
Plus, I will feel so much better, with all this stress and everything, its exactly what I need
I can't sit with my real friends at lunch because I'm embarrassed to eat in front of them,
If I start starving again, I can be with them...
Atm it feels like this will make me so much happier
The only problem is I still haven't been 100% which means that I could possibly pass out again, and every one will get suspicious again... So what do I do?

EET

It's like forgetting the words to your favorite song.
You can't believe it; you were always singing along.
It was so easy and the words so sweet.
You can't remember; you try to feel the beat.

Bee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-
Eet eet eet.
Ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-
Eet eet eet.

You spend half of your life trying to fall behind.
You're using your headphones to drown out your mind.
It was so easy and the words so sweet.
You can't remember; you try to move your feet.

Ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-
Eet eet eet.
Ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-
Eet eet eet.

*musical interlude*

Someone's deciding whether or not to steal.
He opens a window just to feel the chill.
He hears that outside a small boy just started to cry
'Cause it's his turn, but his brother won't let him try.

*musical interlude*

It's like forgetting the words to your favorite song.
You can't believe it; you were always singing along.
It was so easy and the words so sweet.
You can't remember; you try to move your feet.
It was so easy and the words so sweet.
You can't remember; you try to feel the beat... 

One Year

in 525,600 minutes I managed to change completely

in 365 days I managed to sacrifice everything to lose weight

in 52 weeks I managed to get skinny enough to like myself

in one week I managed to gain it all back

fuck.

Staring

Staring at a blank screen
can't form the words for anything any more
so many thoughts - keeping me from living my life
from being the girl I want to be
putting my weight in front of everything
in front of school - used to be the most important thing
now it's just food food food

So exhausted
wake me up when it's over
so i sit here
staring at a blank screen
wondering what happened to that girl
that girl who could do everything
and not care about her weight

Staring at my reflection

disgusted.

battling with myself

i'm a hazard to myself

Staring at a pack of pills
wondering what it would be like
scared by my own thoughts
no, i don't want to die
I just want to feel better
I wonder if 6 would do it
worth a try?

Staring at my wrists
wondering if going back would help
because im desperate
i need something, anything
to make this go away

Staring into your eyes
wondering if you feel the same
you make me feel better