Can't Sleep

i'm always so afraid to fall asleep because it means i have to wake up and live another day... i have so much on my mind constantly and sometimes i wish that people could see me for me and people could see that i can't handle all of this!
im on the edge... and soon im going to crack, because i dont know how much longer i can keep this up... i just can't handle it...
but the thing is no matter what i should be thinking about... my mind is never off food... its always there, and i think without that theres no way i can put an end to this... i sometimes think it will drive me completelly insane, i cant ever focus after ive eaten... i get reflux for 5 hours after ive eaten which just reminds me... i get so anxious that theres nothing that can distract me... i think the longest ive held up is 3hours until i throw up... and the thing is the longer i wait the more i feel like i need to do it... and by that time it would be so acidic and it would completelly burn me.... but thats ok as long as im losing weight, right? thats what i always tell myself... but that's not me... i havent been myself for 6 months... i had no idea this would change everything... the ironic thing is that i started throwing up because i didnt want a diet that would control my life... but instead i got something that might end my life early, it took control 6 months ago... i cant believe i was so supid...