This is Me

hi!
i don't even know how this is going to work because this blog is completelly anonymous.... nobody knows i even have a blog but here goes...
as of 6 months ago i'm bulemic... and now im suffering from depression and i've recently started cutting myself :/ this thing is, the girl i was last year would joke about this kinda stuff, i NEVER thought things would get this bad... i thought throwing up would be easy but i got sadder and sadder and now its my biggest regret... its completelly taken over my life and it has KILLED my twin sister... btw i have a twin sister ;) i love her more than anything and i can't believe i've caused her this much pain... i think everybody would be in a lot less pain if i wasn't here... i've tried stopping but i just couldn't, and i ended up burning myself with my hair curler, making things a whole lot worse...
my friends are... well they can be great but sometimes it seems like they love me for the girl i used to be... but i've changed so much this year, and i honestly think thyre tired of my problems... i wish they would see how much pain im in because if i wasnt so scared of dieing i would have taken my life by now... but im not sure what to do anymore because it feels like i cant talk to anybody...
i used to have a journal to write things in but i dont know... sometimes i think that it would be nice to have someone on the other side... even though i highly doubt anybody would read  this... it's nice to think people would though... if anybody is out there, anybody who is going through the same thing... all i can say i am so sorry because i think i know the pain you are in and it's excruciating, and ill be happy to help you :) but i dont even know if i can help myself... i guess the reason i cut myself is because i need to pretend like everything is okay, so my friends don't have to deal with my crap all the time,,, its for their sake really... but when im alone, and i stop pretending, i start to feel all the pain that has built up, and it becomes too strong, too real... and i need to distract myself... but then my friends always see it, and tell me im selfish... well what do you expect me to do? it's my body i can do with it what i want... everybody else hurts me so why shouldn't i? i guess that does sound selfish but... i just have no idea what to do anymore... This is Me