what kind of person am i to leave my own party to go into my room and break down when there are 30 people only a few meters away?
what kinda of person am i to only be able to sleep an hour and sit there and cry the rest of the night because pretending was too painful and even though some of my closest friends were there... i felt like there was nothing i could do or say?
why aren't i stronger than this? i used to be... everybody says i should be... but i feel so weak, so hopeless.... so helpless...
i've caused everybody so much pain already.... so why can't i just stop it because i know it will be better for everybody GOD DAMN IT SARIA JUST STOP IT! YOU'RE RUINING EVERYTHING AND SOON YOU'L HAVE NOTHING.... nothing and nobody... because who wants to sit here and watch while i destroy myself inside and out, when they know there's nothing they can do to help....
a friend of mine once said that all they feel like they can do is try to make me happy... and that means so much, it really does... but why does it feel like such a crime when i want to talk? or even if i just want to be alone because i don't want to talk...?
They're not the only ones who have no idea what to do
im so scared...
and trapped...
where do i go from here?
this is going to be really corny:
ReplyDeletepull over and ask for directions, look at a road map, navigate the dusty road through all those retarded towns such as garlagumbone and soon you'll be back on the highway... and you'll be so far ahead of all the other cars that you'll have to wait for them. :)